


Come Fly With Me

by c0smic



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aliens!, Canon! Tad Strange, F/F, Lots of Firefly refrences, Lots of Night Vale refs too, Lots of refrences to lots of thkngs, Possible body horror tw, Space AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:19:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7842880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c0smic/pseuds/c0smic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mabel and Pacifica fall in love... in space. Meanwhile, Dipper unearths a conspiracy, Wendy is awesome, Stan and Ford act mysterious and Soos helps fix the spaceship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Fly With Me

1  
Dipper was asleep at the controls again. Mabel sighed. All he seemed to do nowadays was sleep. Its like he didn’t even care they were in space. Space! As in no gravity and black holes and aliens!  
Ok, they did have artificial gravity and hadn’t run into any aliens yet, but still.  
He wasn’t wearing his space helmet, even thought she had made it stylish with glitter and 3D stickers. Dipper knew nothing about style, so it was a good thing Mabel knew that glitter and stickers made everything 300 percent more fancy. Spaceship looking a little unloved? Put some glitter on that ship. Pet pig only one colour all over? Boom, stickers, now that pig is multiple colours. Space suit looking plain? David Bowie didn’t die for this, get your arts and crafts box out before we get arrested by the style police.  
Without his helmet, Dipper ran the risk of his head exploding if the pod doors opened unexpectedly and he was sucked out.  
“Dipper!” She yelled. “we’re under attack! The aliens, they want to suck our brains out through a straw! Save yourself!”  
“Alright, alright,” Dipper said, rubbing an eye with the heel of his hand and sitting up, flattening his fluffy hair with the other. “I’m awake, ‘k? Theres no need to yell”  
“Oh were you sleeping?”  
Ignoring her, he sat up on his chair, stretching his neck gingerly. He had to remember to go to sleep in his bunk, sleeping in the drivers seat couldn’t be good for his spine.  
He leaned forward and pressed a button on his control panel. “Capitains log. Been in the sky fifteen days now. Haven’t seen any other spaceships. Plenty of supplies and fuel reserves unused insofar.”  
“Insofar?” said Mabel, from the other side of the room. “Art thou mayhaps being a little pretentious, per say, in your secret diary?”  
“Ignoring first mate Mabel Pines is growing more difficult every day. Starting to suspect she is an alien. Communicates via interpretive dance and secretes a strange substance she calls glitter glue. Will update when more information is made available to me, unless of course she unhinges her jaw and consumes us all before then.”  
He turned to grin at Mabel, but she wasn’t paying attention. She stood with her hands on her hips and her eyes all squinty, sizing him up.  
“You look tired.”  
“That’s because I’m tired.” He turned off his log. He would finish it later.  
She shook her head. “At the controls all night again? What are you doing? It’s not like we’re gonna suddenly go into hyperdrive and miss the planet.”  
He didn’t answer, leaning over to press buttons, adjust levers, spin doodads.  
“We need a break,” Mabel said. “You need a proper bed, not a sleeping bag. Where’s the nearest planet?”  
“We have a delivery to make”  
“We have loads of time! Don’t you miss all that weird alien food? It’s been so long since we’ve eaten anything that can fight back.”  
“Gross, Mabel.”  
“C’mon. Don’t you want something that hasent been freeze dried and microwaved?”  
“Hm.” He said. The last thing he had eaten were soup croutons, straight from the packet. He had been reluctant to leave the controls long enough to make the soup. There were still crumbs all over the dashboard. He swept them up, absent mindedly.  
“Please, Dipper. We’re not going to compromise the integrity of the cargo by talking to people and eating some real food once in a while.”  
He glanced at her, considering. He wasn’t very good company, and he knew it. If it was only him he could stay in the sky for weeks on end, but Mabel...  
He knew she missed home, and Waddles, and she sometimes spent days wandering around the spaceship looking for something to do. Being cooped up wasn’t good for her. It wouldn’t have surprised him to discover her stuffed animals has turned on each other, lord of the flies style. She needed people. Besides, a change might be nice.  
“We’ll head down to Aquariuth, get some supplies, and see if anyone needs a lift to Blooforb 5” he said slowly.  
“Passengers?” Mabel hugged him from behind, hard. “Dipper that’s awesome, this is gonna be so fun!”  
“Well, I mean,” he cleared his throat. “It’s not exactly regulation, you know, so keep it on the down low.”  
“Of course, bro. I ain’t no snitch.” She clapped her hands in excitement. “I’ll get the rooms ready. It’s gonna be so much fun!”  
“We don’t have a lot of space,” said Dipper,” We might have to double up” He was already regretting the decision. People running all over the ship, prying, wanting a go on the controls, checking coordinates. What if one of them was like an inspector or something, checking to make sure none of them we’re sneakily picking up passengers, checking everything was regulation.  
Mabel skipped out of the control room, happier than he had seen her in weeks.  
He shook his head. It would be fine. He considered himself an excellent judge of character, able to guess who the killer was in 3 out of 5 of his mystery novels. What could happen?  
2  
Aquariuth was basically a planet sized airport. There were trains underground and market stalls above ground, selling everything from swords and nunchucks to pint glasses of sugar.  
“So much traffic,” Dipper moaned, as they stepped out the pod doors. The noise and smells of Aquariuth hit them immediately. People in strange clothing swarmed all around, each one seemingly carrying something smelly or dangerous or cumbersome. He had to shout to be heard over the noise. “Mabel! Put a notice up in the Centre that we’re taking passengers to Blooforp 5!”  
“On it!” Mabel shouted. She gave him two thumbs up, already seeming better spiritually , now that she was surrounded by people. She was practically glowing, although the effect may have been the lighting.  
“I’ll get supplies!” he called after her. “We meet back at the ship! Don’t talk to strangers unless it’s to invite them into our home for the next two weeks!” His voice was drowned out by the crowds and the stall holders, already trying to incise him into buying things already.  
Mabel moved through the crowds, not with ease, but without difficulty. She was in her element out of her element, the stranger the scenery, the happier she was. Aquariuth was a beautiful planet, three moons in the sky, and always loads of stuff going on. She practically skipped over a body lying face down on the floor.  
“I’ll kill you!” someone yelled.  
“Not if I kill you first!” came the reply.  
It was good to be off the ship.  
The town centre was called the Tower, it rose above the rest of the city, the top of it lost in the clouds.  
She got into a crowded elevator, and felt her insides turning to mush as she was whisked up. Even so, it took ten minutes to reach the travel hub on the top floor.  
“Spaceship for Blooforp 5, leaving today, prices negotiable.” She said to the bored and hassled looking teenager behind the desk.  
“I’ll put out a wave,” they said. “I’ll need your spaceship reg and station. It will be live at booking points until midnight tonight. Passengers will contact you via Tablet.”  
“Thanks,” said Mabel, only someone elbowed her in the back while she was speaking, so it came out more like “thAOOOPH.” She turned around to see what was going on just to be elbowed in the front, as a tiny girl elbowed her way to the desk.  
She had blonde hair and blue eyes and really ridiculously sharp elbows. Her clothes we’re nondescript but stylish. Sharp, like her elbows. There was a scarf wrapped around her neck, pulled up over her chin like a bandana, and mirrored shades on top of her head.  
She snapped her fingers at the teenager, whose deadpan expression didn’t change.  
“Hey, so, which spaceship on this planet is the fastest and which one is going the furthest and which one should I get on to get as far away as possible as quickly as possible?”  
“Where would you like to go.” Asked the teenager in a monotone.  
“Where?” she asked, like their question was a personal insult. “Somewhere that’s not here, and fast.”  
“We have a range of travel guides on the far wall over there for only five credits each. Please feel free to browse.”  
“Excuse me? I have been waiting in this noisy, crowded, bureaucratic hell hole for nearly an hour, and now you want me to line up again, without even helping me? What kind of service is this?”  
The teenager didn’t even blink. “i’m sorry ma’am but without knowledge of your destination I, alas, cannot help you.”  
There was not one inflection in the whole sentence. Not one.  
The dangerously dressed and dangerously elbow’d blonde turned and flounced away, nose in the air, walking like she hoped to accidentally stamp on someone’s foot on the way. On a whim, Mabel followed her.  
“Hey,” she tapped her on the shoulder. The blonde girl spun around to face her, lip curled. Her blue eyes caught the fluorescents, and they glinted violet, almost inhuman.  
“What do you want?”  
Mabel ignored the tone of voice. “I couldn’t help but overhear you talking to the guy over there. May I recommend the stunning orange sands and indigo seas of the wonderful planet Blooforp 5? Me and my brother are heading out this evening, and we have plenty of room.” She smiled, pleased with her pitch, and exited to have a customer so soon. Mabel was interested to know why this purple eyed (in certain lighting) blonde was so eager to get away. Perhaps she was an adventure seeker, or a pirate, or a runaway, or a runaway princess, or a jilted bride, or an international spy seeking sudden and early retirement, or an interplanitary jewel thief...  
But the mysterious girls smile was upside down, that is to say she looked at Mabel like she was something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe “You have a spaceship?”  
“Thats what I said, me and my brother and a ship and the sky and the most relaxing and smooth journey to Blooforp 5 you have ever been on!” Mabel said it with a wink, and got a sneer in return.  
“Let me guess, you built it yourself with scraps you stole from the local junkyard.”  
Mabels smile faltered. This girl had a tone of voice and a look in her eye that seemed practiced in cutting people down. Mabel knew the sort. She herself had a tone of voice and look in her eye certain people seemed to enjoy cutting down. She was tough, Mabel, and had years of practice putting up with tha h8rz, but having it flare up at her so suddenly an unexpectedly after she had tried to be kind stung like a whip.  
“Thanks, but no thanks,” the girl continued. Just the way she was looking at Mabel’s sweater seemed cruel. “I’ve enough problems without being trapped in a flying tin can with a pair of weirdos, waiting to drop out of the sky. I’d rather stay in this hell hole. I mean, let’s be honest, you and your brother probably don’t even have the fuel needed to get out of this solar system.”  
“We have enough fuel to get out of three solar systems,” Mabel snapped. It wasn’t the best comeback she had ever come up with.  
The girl said nothing, she simply flipped her mirrored shades off her head and onto her nose in a practiced dismissive gesture, and flounced away, hair swinging.  
Mabel tugged her sweater down so it covered her knees, angry and hurt. She could feel her cheeks burning. As if she needed a guest like that on her nice ship! Heck, that girl was so sour the acidity would probably eat through the outer casing in a week, and then they would all be sucked out into space and suffocated.  
She needed something sugar covered and deep fried, and made her way down to the market place to find the food stalls.  
3  
Dipper was eye to eye with the biggest and weirdest looking dried fish he had seen in his eighteen years.  
“Seven credits,” said the stall holder temptingly. “for seven credits it is all yours. Feed your family for a week. Very tasty. Good for digestion.”  
“Really,” said Dipper. “It’s okay. I don’t want it. I couldn’t even carry it.”  
“You want carrier? Six credits, you get both basket and fish!”  
“But I don’t need a basket.”  
“You are worried about seeming unmanly? Nonsense! This basket will strike fear into the hearts of your rivals, and eating the fish will make you big and strong! Only six credits!”  
Dipper squirmed. Cheerful as the stallholder was, she was pretty big, and he didn’t want to get on her bad side. He had only stopped to ask what type it was.  
The stall holder put her arm around him and swung him around to look at the baskets and the craftsmanship put into weaving them, and he made a mental note not to talk to or look at or communicate in any way to another human being ever again, no matter how biologically fascinating their dried seafood was.  
He glanced at the fish again and swore he saw it move. As he watched in horror, the fishes eye swelled up and then popped out, and a black spiders leg waved at him through the socket.  
“Woah! Okay! I definitely do not need fish today. In fact, I have just remembered I am allergic, really allergic, to seafood. So I had best be going. Nice to meet you!” He wiggled out of her grip and was lost in the crowd in moments.  
“Blergh!” He shuddered, as if he was trying to shake off the memory of the spider leg. He wondered how Mabel was doing, and if she had found them any passengers. He didn’t notice her as he passed the sugar rainbows stall, a stall that sold sugar every colour of the rainbow and then some, served in a pint glass and free for anyone who could finish it off in eight seconds.  
Mabel was burying her sorrows in raw, dyed sugar. It was starting to dawn on her that maybe picking up passengers wasn’t going to be the romantic adventure she had envisioned. Instead of imagining ruggedly handsome fellas and space pirates and beautiful lady’s that turn out to be alien princesses she was imagining space lawyers and space accountants and a space chess club member.  
“Feeling down, dude-girl?” said the man manning the sugar stall. “Would it cheer you up to know that if you finish the pint of sugar in eight seconds, you get it for free? It’s true, I got a sugar cup for free once, and it was totally worth the heartburn and vomiting! Best day ever!”  
Mabel sighed. “I guess I’m just having difficulty coming to terms with the reality of reality.” She looked at the sugar guy with wide eyes. “People are mean, man.”  
“Oh I feel that, dude. People are mean to me all the time, due to my soft physique and mild character.”  
Mabel gasped. “How could anyone be cruel to you? You’re so kind and have so much to offer! Like all this sugar!”  
“I know! I guess some people would rather be mean than eat a pint of sugar.”  
The two of them shook their heads, baffled at the state of the universe.  
“Oh yeah,” the sugar guy said. “You want me to refill your pint of sugar?”  
“Do it,” said Mabel grimly. “Got a long journey ahead of me and I plan on going into it queasy and with a rainbow tongue.”  
“Oh man,” said the sugar guy. “I’d love to go on a long journey. To Blooforp 5, specifically. Mi Abuelita lives there, but I haven’t seen her in years because I invested all my money in this sugar stall, only to realize too late that no one accepts a heap of raw sugar as payment for a spaceship journey.”  
Mabel wasn’t listening. She had spotted the blonde haired girl nearby. She watched as she poked at a piece of dried fish, two stalls down.  
“You know what?” she said. “I’m not going to let it end like this.” She got up from her hair and marched over to the fish merchants, as the sugar guy cheered “You go girl dude!”  
Mabel tapped the blonde girl on the shoulder. She looked around, eyes narrowed. “Oh. It’s you again.”  
“I think we got off on the wrong foot earlier. My name is Mabel Mason, my brother is a great pilot and our spaceship is as skyworthy as the best of them. What’s your name?”  
The girl rolled her eyes, disinterested. “Pacifica.”  
“Well Pacifica, I don’t know where you’re going or what you’re looking for, but I hope you find it. Have a nice trip!”  
Pacifica looked at her, surprised. “Wow, you really are a weirdo.”  
“That’s me, Mabel Pines, odder than an Oddish!”  
Pacifica frowned, tilting her head so the sunlight flashed off her diamond earrings. Mabel faltered. “Mabel Mason, I mean.”  
“Well that’s great, Mabel Pines-Mason, but I’m not interested in flying with you.”  
“I know! I just wanted to wish you a good journey.”  
“I have to go,” Pacifica snapped, and turned to run away.  
She froze, and behind her, Mabel gasped. The dried fish was swelling up, and the sides where splitting. As they watched, the mouth was pried open, impossibly wide, and out crawled a spider as big as a dog, front legs wiggling, and then dragging its body out. The dried fish seemed to deflate, like I balloon the air had been let out, and the spider, freed now, began to grow bigger and bigger, it’s beady eyes fixed on the two girls.  
Behind them someone screamed.  
4  
Dipper Mason was sitting in front of his ship, ready for takeoff, and wished evening would get here already. His feet hurt from walking around all day, and his clothes were drenched. Aquariuth was unbearably humid.  
“I have to say, this spaceship is just fine,” said a voice. A beautiful voice, smooth as spun silk, rich as black coffee. Dipper heard that voice, and he loved and despaired and hated that voice. Dipper looked up. Standing by the spaceship was an ordinary looking man, with very ordinary looking features, and an ordinary sort of expression on his face. He had black hair, and was wearing a suit.  
“Thanks, man. I try to take care of it. Did you want a ride?”  
“A journey to Blooforp 5 in this spaceship would be a-okay,” said the man.  
“I’m the captain,” said Dipper. “Captain Mason. You want me to show you around?”  
“Tad Strange. Being shown around this ship would not be an inconvenience.”  
Dipper showed Tad his room, while Tad said things like “Boy, those windows allow you to see outside!” And “Now that’s what I call a ceiling!” Dipper learned that Tad was a baker, and tried a slice of the bread Tad kept in his briefcase. It wasn’t bad.  
“Okay,” Dipper said. “I’ll leave you to unpack in your cabin. I need to go find the rest of the crew. I will have to ask you not to leave this room before take-off. If you need anything wire me. There’s a built in telecommunicator over there on the wall.”  
Tad Strange nodded. “This is, excuse me, a damn decent boarding room, Captain Mason.”  
“Thanks,” said Dipper. “Means a lot coming from you, Tad.”  
He stepped out into the sunlight, eyes on his telecommunicator. Mabel wasn’t answering, and he was beginning to worry. He made his way to the Tower to see if he could spot her, but it was empty. He made his way up, and didn’t see anyone. Maybe they were all on their lunch break.  
His telecommunicator beeped, and he grabbed it.  
I admire the fact the beds have bed sheets, said the message. Dipper groaned. Where the heck was Mabel?  
His eye fell on the brochures, up on the far wall. To find a Mabel, he needed to think like a Mabel.  
He picked the programme for the months stalls on Aquariuth, and flipped to today’s date. They were on the surface, so that ruled out the Underground Muscle Man Flexing Boyband contest that was on, and they we’re too far away from the Slightly Raunchy Romance Novels With Unassuming Titles And An Ordinary Brunette Protagonist stall. That left the Life Size Statues Of Alexander Hamilton Museum and the Rainbow Sugar Stand.  
The Rainbow Sugar Stand seemed like the most logical choice, and so he made his way down there.  
On the ground it was empty. A ghost town. It was odd. A man ran away from the direction Dipper was heading, waving his arms and screaming “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!” Weird. Dipper sped up.  
As he turned the corner, his first thought was that it had been snowing. White strands covered the ground and the stalls, woven together like rope and crisscrossing the floor. There was the sugar stall, draped in the silky threads, and there in the centre of the floor, a pink splash in the white, was Mabels shoe.  
Dipper was about to run over to it when the man from before, still screaming, ran in front of him, onto the white ropes.  
“RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!” he screamed. He ran for his life, over the webs. “THERES A GIANT SPIDER! RUN FOR YOUR-”  
He tripped, his feet tangled in the web, and the giant spider pulled him towards itself, wrapping him as he screamed. Like spaghetti on a fork. Dipper could still hear him screaming “run for your life,” but muffled.  
Dipper froze. The spider turned to face him, pressing it’s spider feet into the web.  
Spider feet. Dipper knew what they were called. That was gonna bug him until he remembered.  
He shook his head. What was he thinking? There was a giant spider watching him and he was trying to remember what it’s feet were called.  
The spider stayed where it was for a moment, crouched over it’s prey. Then it turned and walked away, and Dipper remembered how bad spiders eyesight was.  
He should be fine if he didn’t touch any web. Most of the floor was covered in it, sure, but he could be careful.  
He stepped over the ropey web carefully. It wasn’t unlike the jungle gym, back home, where you have to jump through the tires. He had always been terrible at that.  
Don’t fall on your face because you’ll get eaten by a spider. He glanced up, and saw an EyeDrone buzzing above him. Thank goodness! He waved his arms, but the drone didn’t see him, just continued circling whatever it was looking at.  
He hopped over to the knife and nunchuck stall, conveniently placed a few metres in front of Mabel’s shoe. He took down a penknife, and angled the blade so the sun reflected off it to the Drone.  
The sunlight bounced off something on the ground, and it flashed purple in his eyes. He stumbled back, almost falling but catching himself at the last minute. Mabel. He ran most of the rest of the way, not over thinking where he was putting his feet, and by some miracle not tripping over the web.  
He slashed with the penknife, surprised when the web actually tore with a pleasant ripping sound. Out tumbled Pacifica, web in her hair and ready to fight someone.  
“And you’re not Mabel.” Dipper clutched his head. “Mabel? Mabel where are you!?”  
Pacifica yanked his arm. “Don’t shout!” she hissed.  
“The spiders find their prey by vibrations in the web. I don’t think it can hear us.”  
“I’m not talking about the stupid spider. I’m talking about-“  
Click. The Drone finally heard Dipper yelling and swooped down to check out the disturbance. Click. An image of Dipper and Pacifica. Their faces where scanned automatically, and the Drone scanned through it’s database, looking for matches.  
(and on an uncharted planet, light years away, a little light on a panel began to flash. )  
“Oh never mind,” snapped Pacifica. “You idiot.” She fumbled for her sunglasses but they went on her head. She glanced up and saw them still tangled in the web. “Ugh, gross. Why is nothing going right for me today?” She swatted away the drone irritably as she pulled her scarf up over her face, covering her features.  
The drone beeped and buzzed around excitedly. It didn’t like being damaged. It’s screen wasn’t working properly, and it’s imaging kept shorting out. Pacifica had cracked the lens.  
Dipper searched for Mabel. His pocket beeped, and he pulled out his telecommunicator. From Tad Strange: the gravity in this ship is totally normal.  
Hope swelled up in Dippers chest, and he dialled Mabel’s number.  
Please let her have charged it please let her have charged it.  
She had. He heard the sweet sweet synth tones of the Never Ending Story theme, tinny and muffled, and he followed it.  
She was upside down and wrapped in web, but otherwise unharmed.  
“What up bro? I’m just hanging around,” she said grinning like she hadn’t just been spun up in a spiders web for eating. There was sugar round her mouth and her hair was tangled.  
“Are you okay?”  
“Pretty much. I am definitely gonna upchuck though.”  
“This is so weird,” Dipper said. “I mean, spiders webs are supposed to be really strong, like steel for bugs, but this is like cotton. Also why didn’t it bite you? I mean I’m not complaining but normally you would be dissolving from the inside right now. Maybe it somehow knows you’re not an invertebrate and didn’t want you to just melt from the inside out?”  
“Dude. Cut me down.”  
“Oh right.” He got to work on the web.  
“I found us a passenger!” said Mabel, cheerfully, as he worked.  
“That’s great! It’s not- it’s not the spider, is it?”  
“Pfft. No. Dipper, meet Mr Jesus Ramirez, aka Soos,” she said, gesturing to a large lump of web. “We met at the sugar stand. He owns a sugar stand!”  
“Wassup dude?” said the lump of web called Soos.  
“Hey.”  
5  
This was by far the worst day of Pacificas life. Probably the worst day anyone had ever had anywhere. She was stuck on this stupid smelly noisy planet and then hassled by a bunch of thick, unsympathetic, clumsy mouth breathers and then attacked by a giant spider.  
She was picking bits of web of her jacket disgustedly as it crouched behind her. She didn’t notice. She was thinking about how picking bits of web of a jacket was a dumb job, something she usually wouldn’t even bother telling her servants to do since she had plenty of other jackets.  
She didn’t have plenty of other jackets anymore, nor did she have a servant to pick the web off them for her. She didn’t have a pony, or a whole wardrobe of designer shoes, or nail polish, or her secret collection of bone china unicorn figurines.  
At the thought of this last one, tears sprung to her eyes, and she clenched her fists, determined not to cry. She felt she could still be Pacifica without her collection of china unicorns as long as she didn’t let herself cry. She still had one pair of diamond earrings, she was fine.  
The spider crept closer, and something made her turn her head. Too late she noticed it.  
It was standing on it’s hind legs, two front legs held up in the air triumphantly. It’s fangs were directly above her. The sunlight glinted off them for a moment before they came down on fast.  
With a scream, Pacifica rolled out the way. Why was it trying to kill her? Why was the universe so determined to bully her? She was a good person!  
Mabel, still attached to the web by one foot and so mostly upside down, heard the scream.  
“What was that?”  
“Must be a spider victim. Boy this web is really attached to you, isn’t it?”  
“Should we do something?”  
Dipper bit his lip. “Dunno what we can do. The drone saw me, the authorities must be on their way soon. If all the spider wants to do is wrap us up hopefully no one will get hurt.”  
The scream came again, an angry scared wail. “WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO HURT ME?”  
“I’m sure they’re fine,” said Dipper quickly.  
“THIS IS IN NO WAY FINE!”  
“Dipper, we have to help!” Mabel wiggled, but was still stuck.  
“I agree with Mabel, dude. It sounds like the spiders really determined to, like, chase that guy for some reason.”  
Dipper glanced behind him. There was the knife and nun chuck stall, unmanned. He had a sudden vision of himself vs the giant spider, holding a sword, riding a dragon. There was a chess board between them. Curses, the giant spider would say, you defeated me, not only intellectually, but also with the sword. I was totally wrong about you and your ability to climb rope in gym. The spider had the voice of Chad Browski, his fifth grade bully.  
He shook his head and the vision dissolved, to be replaced by Mabel’s eyes, wide and worried.  
“Okay,” he said, handing her the penknife. “Free yourself and Soos and come join me as quickly so possible. Follow the sound of my screams.”  
“Gotcha,” she leaned over her foot, a look of intense concentration on her face, and began to saw at the web, tongue between her teeth. “Boy you weren’t kidding about this web.”  
“I never kid about spider webs,” he said, and coughed awkwardly. “Okay so, I’m gonna go grab a couple swords.”  
“Yeah you go, bro! You show that spider!”  
He ran to the centre, grabbed a sword from the sword and nunchuck shop conveniently placed in the town centre, and spun around, looking for the source of the noise.  
He heard another scream, a shrill, drawn out “heeeelp!” and ran towards it.  
The web at his feet didn’t stick, but tore away with a crunching ripping noise. He skidded round a corner and saw the blonde girl, cornered, and the spider standing in front of her.  
“Hey! Over here!” He threw the sword at the spider, only for it to clatter off harmlessly. Oh yeah. The exoskeleton.  
But the spider must have felt something because it fixed it’s eyes on Dipper for a second, long enough for the girl to run away from it.  
She ducked behind Dipper, holding him in front of her like a human shield. “Do something!” she demanded.  
“Do what?” he asked, backing away. It was tricky, because her hands we’re in his shoulders and she was kind of pushing him forwards. What the heck had made him think throwing the sword would be a good idea? Had he expected it to neatly decapitate the monster in midair?  
“I don’t know!” She screeched. “This isn’t my area of expertise! You clearly know more about fighting these things! You had a sword! And you’re covered in dirt!”  
Dipper chose to ignore that. He was more interested in the way the spiders eyes glowed purple. It was her diamond earrings, the light was bouncing off them into its eyes.  
“Okay,” he said. “Split up. You go that way.” He darted out of her grip, ignoring her protests.  
The spider scuttled after him for a moment, attracted by his movement, before turning back to Pacifica and chasing her.  
“THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA!” She yelled at him.  
“I think it wants your earrings!” he called. “Throw them to it!”  
“What?” She clutched at them protectively. “Absolutely not! Do you have any idea what these cost me?”  
“If you don’t throw your earrings at the giant spider, the giant spider will eat you!”  
Pacifica glanced at the spider, advancing on her. Reluctantly, she unfastened an earring, and threw it, backing away.  
The spider pounced on the diamond. It’s fangs chomped, it salivated. Pacifica turned away in disgust as it ate her jewellery.  
The spider finished, still salivating, and turned back to her.  
“There is no way you are getting the other one, you foul thing.”  
The spider took a step forward, and shuddered. It stopped. It glowed violet. It began to act very oddly. It lifted up each of it’s legs, one by one, and then began to spin in a circle.  
Faster and faster, until it was a blur. Wind whipped Pacificas hair around her face, like she was standing by a helipad. Finally the spider stopped and, twitching, seemed to deflate, until it was the size of a cat, and five times lass cute.  
“Whoa,” said Dipper from behind her. “What the heck kind of diamond was that?”  
She folded her arms, scowling. “What now? You expect me to cut it open to get my earring back?”  
“Of course not! No one is cutting anything open.” He glanced around and saw the basket the fish lady had tried to sell him. Picking it up, he held it open and ushered the spider in. It ran into the basket gratefully, pleased at the dark, small space. “Phew! I’ll be glad to get back into the sky.”  
The drone watched as he bent over and carefully picked up the basket, grinning. It played the footage over and over, Pacifica Northwest throwing the earring, the spider eating the earring, the boy cradling the basket. It went through it’s archives again, running through skin tones and retina scans and voice prints, and finally a name came up: Pines.  
(on the faraway planet, another little red light began to flash next to the first. someone came out, looked at the console, swore, put his coffee down and ran out of the room to grab his superior.)  
Pacifica nervously wrapped her scarf up so it covered her head like hood and, eyeing the Drone, placed her glasses over her eyes again. A lens popped out. “Wait,” she said, grabbing Dippers shoulder as he turned to walk away. “You’re leaving tonight? Take me with you.”  
“What?”  
“I can pay,” she said quickly, glad that, for now, she was telling the truth. “Besides, that spider ate my earring, so it’s technically mine, so if you take it without taking me too you’re stealing, and I will call the police and my family lawyer will sue you and we’ll take your whole spaceship.”  
He offered the box to her and she recoiled. “You want the spider? You can have the spider.”  
“Ew! No, I don’t want the horrible spider! Keep the spider! I just need a ride!”  
Dipper wanted to say no, but Pacifica looked so pathetic he didn’t have the heart. Her clothes where tattered and smeared with dirt, her hair was in disarray, her glasses where broken, her makeup was smudged and she only had one earring. He figured that giving Mabel the chance to give her a make over would make her day. Win win situation really. Maybe she and Mabel would even be friends.  
“Okay,” he said. “C’mon. I’ll show you your room.”  
She hurried after him, the Drone watching and following them over to the spaceship.  
“This is the Rocket,” Dipper said gesturing. Pacifica wrinkled her nose. She had expected something sleek and black. The Rocket looked like a rocket, fish shaped and cartoonish. It was silver with red fins, had circular windows and was the size of a three storey building. She had no idea why Dipper was standing by it so proudly, chest puffed out.  
He pulled a lever and a hatch opened with a hiss. She stepped gingerly into the hold.  
Inside was circular, with a spiral staircase sound the edge of the walls. The centre was literally an oversized tin can. Circular pods with doors on them, wrapped in stairs.  
She didn’t know what she was expecting, but it wasn’t this.  
“So,” she said slowly. “Which room is mine?”  
Dipper smacked himself in the forehead. “Oh shoot, I forgot. We only have three bedrooms. You’re gonna have to share with my sister. I’m sure she won’t mind.”  
“Wait, I’m not sharing!”  
“Hey sorry man, but it’s either that or you sleep in the storage cupboard. We’ll leave soon, I just gotta go get Mabel.”  
Mabel? The name rang a bell. Pacifica slowly ascended the spiral staircase as Dipper was gone. She stopped outside of the room she was destined to share.  
Even the door was terrible. Scuffed and covered with glow in the dark stars. How tacky. And what person stuck up glow in the dark stars in space?  
Before she even opened the door she decided to check out the storage room, just in case it was spacious and fully furnished and air conditioned.  
It wasn’t.  
She let the door slide closed as there was a hiss from behind her. The main doors opened, and she turned around to find herself face to face with Mabel Mason/Pines.  
So she was headed to Blooforp 5 in an oversized tin can that probably didn’t have enough fuel to make it out of the solar system. Great.  
6  
It was three hours after The Rocket took off. The fish stall owner was talking to a Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair, and a Man Who Did Not Have Blond Hair. The Man Who Did Not Have Blond Hair had a rare medical condition and had never laughed. The Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair was wearing new shoes that squeaked when he walked.  
“It crawled out of the dried fish” said the fish stall lady. “Big spider. Huge. My dried fish almost never have spiders in. The spider ate the fish, it made it big and strong. Then it ran round the town terrorizing the town. A big spider it was.”  
“I see,” said The Man Who Did Not Have Blond Hair. He nodded to The Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair.  
The Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair placed a briefcase on the stand and unfastened the closings.  
The Man Who Did Not Have Blond Hair took a remote control from the inner pocket of his jacket and called a Drone to him. He downloaded the footage the drone recorded onto his Tablet, while The Man who Did Not Have Dark Hair opened the briefcase and took out a strange object.  
It looked like a gun, but it was made of brass and had what looked like a light bulb on the end. Under the light bulb was a screen.  
As The Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair typed the words GIANT SPIDER onto the screen, The Man Who Did Not Have Blond Hair watched the footage of Dipper cutting Pacifica out of the web, then Pacifica throwing the earring, then Dipper putting the spider in the basket, then the two of them heading to the Rocket.  
“Say,” said the fish stall lady, as The Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair lined up the device so it pointed between her eyes. “Say, I had a basket here, keep the fish in, very strong basket. Where has it gone?”  
The Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair pressed a button and her eyes slid out of focus. She blinked a few times, one eye and them the other, but not both at the same time.  
The Man Who Did Not Have Dark Hair turned to The Man Who Did Not Have Blond Hair. “It is unseen,” he said.  
The Man Who Did Not Have Blond Hair did not reply. He was sending the footage of the spider eating Pacificas earring to his superior.  
7  
Pacifica sat on the steps outside Mabel’s room. Muffled synth music came from the closed door.  
Pacifica held her remaining earring in her hand, twisting it so it sparkled in the silvery moonlight. It was a clear diamond, but the light that shone off the facets was purple.  
She needed to ask Dipper if the spider had vomited up the other one yet. Did spiders vomit? She didn’t know and the question was gross anyway.  
This was what she had been reduced to. One earring and spider vomit which may or may nor be a real thing.  
The door opened, and a line of yellow light fell over Pacifica. She quickly closed her earring in her fist as Mabel stuck her head into the stairway.  
“Are you gonna sleep anytime soon?”  
“In that hole? No thanks. I prefer to sleep on beds, not piles of clothes and soft toys.”  
“I’ve been tidying up!” said Mabel. She opened the door wider, giving Pacifica a better view of her room. Pacificas futon was cleared of all the stuffed animals, apart from a frog in a tutu, adorably perched on her pillow. The rest of the room was still a mess.  
To her horror, Mabel sat down on the step next to her. Pacifica tried to shuffle away bit she was next to the wall and couldn’t get far.  
“So, giant spider huh? Weird. Dipper showed it to me and it’s actually pretty cute small. Like a kitten, but five times as cute!”  
“Cute?” Pacifica snapped. “It tried to kill me.”  
“Well sure, there is that. Nobody’s perfect, right?”  
Pacifica didn’t answer.  
“I meant what I said earlier,” Mabel said. “That I hoped you would have a good journey. I know it’s been a bit rough so far, but I know that if we put all that behind us and start afresh, we are going to be great friends!”  
Pacifica looked at Mabel. Her hair was tangled, her pyjamas had care bears on and looked about three sizes too small for her. She was the last person in the entire universe Pacifica would ever choose to befriend, and currently she was her only option in the entire universe.  
Tears sprang to her eyes, and she forced them back. She wasn’t going to cry. She was going to stay a Northwest, and Northwests chose their friends, not the other way around. And Pacifica Northwest had no intention of being friends with Mabel.  
“I meant what I said earlier too. Thanks but no thanks. I have plenty of problems as it is without being followed around by silly little girls like you. This whole journey is a joke.”  
Mabel said nothing, she just stood up and walked back to her room, and Pacifica felt a pang of satisfaction as the door slid closed.  
She leaned sideways onto the wall and closed her eyes, exhausted. She was still Pacifica Northwest, no matter what, and as soon as they landed she would figure out a plan.  
Until then, she had to admit, the journey might be a little awkward.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, the next chapter will be lousy with Mabel and Paz romance i promise! 
> 
> The Man Withot Blond Hair and The Man Without Dark hair are of course a refrwnce to The Man Who Is Not Tall and The Man Who Is Not Short from Night Vale. Also the "Dipper loved and hated and disparwd for that voice" part is from ep 1. Tads "this is a damn fine boarding room" is Twin Peaks, and starting off a story in a spaceship by picking up passengers is totally ripped off from Firefly.


End file.
